Learning from the “Dones” about Spiritual Homecoming

 

Rev. Mary Laymon
The Beloved Community of Tikkun Farm (Mt. Healthy)

 

When Pat stopped worshipping with a congregation I served, a year after she first showed up, I invited her and Gary, her partner, to share their experience with me. Why had they come? Why had they left? Why do they continue to participate in the contemplative experiences I lead like retreats and quiet days?  Their story startled me. They had been very active in their church ten years earlier: Sunday school teachers, adult formation facilitators, elders and elected leaders. And then after years of leadership they quit. They were tired and they were done. For a decade, they disappeared from the church. During this season, their faith journey continued as they discovered programs and experiences that nurtured their spiritual life in ways the church had not. And then one Easter morning they returned to church. Jumping back in, they signed up to help lead the adult formation class, eager to share what they had learned during their ten-year sabbatical. It turned out to be a lonely experiment. Few people resonated with the new perspectives they brought about Scripture, theology or faith development. Even the priest leading the Sunday morning discussion didn’t seem to know what to do with them. They left again, deciding it was less lonely to gather with a mutual friend on Friday nights for spiritual conversation and discussion.

 

Pat and her partner seemed like an anomaly until I ran across an article about “The Dones”.

 

They’re leaving the institutions, although they still want to be on a spiritual journey with others.

 

These people see faith not as being about rituals and doctrine, but as about individuals coming together and enjoying an honest exchange of views.

 

As tens of millions leave the “Sunday morning experience,” “many of them are getting together and finding other ways to do life and community together, and they are not so hung up on, do you believe what I believe?” 

 

…this group are what sociologists are now identifying as the “dones.” Roughly 30 million Americans are former churchgoers who nevertheless maintain their faith in God and their Christian identity.¹

 

As I met more “dones” I heard their deep grief and loneliness about no longer belonging to a spiritual community that had so wonderfully nurtured them for many years. I wondered if the “church” could create a meaningful sacred gathering for this community, so as a person’s faith evolved they did not feel a need to leave their spiritual family. This wondering lead to the creation of “The Beloved Community of Tikkun Farm”, a spiritual gathering for pilgrims with an evolving faith.

 

As I spent more time with these pilgrims I discovered that Creation often becomes their new sanctuary. They reminded me of the early Celtic Christians who spoke about Creation as the “Big Book” of God, trusting that Spirit conveyed sacred wisdom through trees, rivers, herons and grasshoppers, as much a through words written on page. We’ve been gathering on Wednesday evenings for a number of years now to support one another on our spiritual journeys. A couple of times a month we listen for the wisdom that poets like Mary Oliver and Wendell Berry have discovered in Creation. We break bread together, share our gratitudes, and light candles as we pray for the world. Once a month we gather in collective silence, leaning into one the most universal spiritual practices for nurturing a sacred life. And once a month we bring our questions, laments and curiosity, as we explore the BIG questions of the spiritual journey: “How do you know God exists?” “How can I stay connected to people I disagree so strongly with in this divisive culture?” “I’m feeling so connected to God right now. I’m afraid this experience with end.” “How do I love my enemy?”

 

What I love about this monthly conversation is no one claims to have the “answers”. Each person just shares their experience, what has been meaningful for them, and we learn from one another.

 

After hearing about our Wednesday gatherings, a number of people who can’t get to the farm on Wednesday nights have asked if we could offer it online. So, this month we launched Soulful Sundays. Once a month we gather virtually, listen together to sacred music, reflect on a spiritual text, share one-on-one about what wisdom Spirit revealed to us in our quiet time, and send Love to a wounded world.

 

The Beloved Community at Tikkun Farm is engaged in a spiritual experiment. Can the “church” offer a sacred experience, and nurture the spiritual life of pilgrims with an evolving faith? The growing gathering at Tikkun Farm suggests we can!

 

---

Endnotes:

¹ Bruinius, Harry. Why these Americans are ‘done’ with church, but not with God. http://www.csmonitor.com/USA/Society/2015/1219/Why-these-Americans-are-done-with-church-but-not-with-God. December 19, 2015 (accessed on October 28, 2016).